Something's going on at the mall

Going to Seattle on my own for nine days was interesting, to say the least. Of course, it was very very very busy, since we were there for the NACCU conference. There were days I woke up at 5AM and worked until 10:30PM, with no real break. It was rough - but it is always rough. Once a year, I know I have to do it.

But this year, Doug and Wyatt stayed home. I was on my own. Nobody to be responsible for. Just me.

I found myself unfolding throughout the nine days. It was weird.

I started out stressed and small, and ended up free and me.

The first thing I realized is that people DO respond well to me. I tweeted for work, in the usual dry, professional NACCU voice. Then I tweeted as me, in my goofy UNprofessional voice. And it was obvious that people responded to the personal tweets. That's what they all wanted to talk to me about...

Then I talked to Eric Stoller, a social media expert, who confirmed that yes, you want to use personality and market YOURSELF as the spokesperson for the brand. He told me something like "You are vibrant, so be vibrant." and that was the beginning of a larger conversation with myself in my head.

I walked around Seattle, thinking about ME. Thinking about who I am, and how much of myself I try to hold back, in fear that people will think I am weird. But the truth is - I *am* weird. Or at least, I am me. (I'm convinced that I just say things that nobody else will say out loud.)

And how much I try to force myself to be what other people want or need or expect. And how much that drains me.

So why not just be me, and let things fall where they may? If someone doesn't like the REAL me, why would I want to put on some mask to hope to gain their approval and acceptance?

I always thought that "growing up" meant that you drop silliness and are able to act professional and together, but now I think that growing up is dropping the act, and just being who you are.

I do not have to force myself to conform to some standard that someone unlike me has defined. There is a role for me in this world, as God made me. I am quirky and outspoken and smiley and laughy and stumbly and creative, and those are all perfectly fine things to be. I wasn't made to be a 9-5 manager, and that's ok too. I have a lot to offer as I am.

I just let go in Seattle. I smiled and laughed and said all the weird random things that popped into my head, and people LIKED it. They laughed. They responded. I felt so ME. I felt free.

As I was walking through the streets of Seattle, thinking about how much of our lives we all waste holding our true selves in so that we fit in, and how I am not going to do that anymore, it started to sprinkle. I lifted my face to the rain and smiled as the drops fell on me. An ambulance pulled up on the other side of the street, and a lady behind me said to her friend, in a most serious loud whisper, "Something's going on at the mall." And I don't know - it just struck me as profound.

There's always something going on at the mall. Life is full of drama and pain and gain and loss and love... and though it can seem like a lot to deal with sometimes, we are here for such a very short time. I am not going to waste any more of my time being anyone other than me.

Since I've been back, I feel different. About a lot of things. I feel able to let go of a lot which is out of my control. I feel like if I am just me, everything is going to happen the way it is meant to happen. And I feel confident that no matter what other people choose to do, I will be just fine.

I yuv you the morest

Me: "I love you!"
Wyatt: "I yuv you the morest!"

Wyatt: "Mommy, you know what is more than a fousand? A FOUSANDY! It's more than anyfing except a quadwillion or infinity!"

Wyatt: "Hey, Mom. Million and Billion sound the same."
Me: "Yes, they do."
Wyatt: "You know what else sounds the same? HUG and ELEPHANT."
Me: "WHAT?"
Wyatt: LOL!

I shaved a bunch of fur off our fluffy cat, Rascal. He looks... well... not good.
Wyatt said, in a sad voice, "Mommy, the other cats are going to laugh at him." I said "Honey, cats can't laugh." He thought for a moment, then said "Well, all the other cats are going to meow at him." ♥

Wyatt was watching Shark Boy and Lava Girl in the back seat of the car.
Wyatt: "Hey Mommy! Lava Girl doesn't have a shirt on. She's wearing a zucchini."

Wyatt: "Inside my mouth hurts."
Me (looking inside his mouth): "Yep, you have a canker sore."
Wyatt: "A KANGAROO?" LOL LOL

We were at Walmart, and I was looking at the nutritional info on a box of frozen enchiladas. Wyatt said "Mom, you can't eat that. You keep getting fatter and fatter!" I almost died I was laughing so hard.

Last night, something was wrong with the satellite receiver, and we could only get in Jay Leno. Wyatt whined "I don't yike this show!!!! It's too grown-uppy!" LOL

Wyatt: "What is this show called?"
Me: "Dancing with the Stars"
Wyatt: "What? It's not called Dancing wif the STARS! People can't dance wif STARS!"
LOL