Still here but doing ok

I am going to be in the hospital through tomorrow. The dr couldn't do a laparoscopic surgery so I've been sliced open. Ugh.

He said the tube had already ruptured and I've been bleeding internally for a week. He was able to stitch the tube but has no hope of my being able to get pg on my own.

I just knew that something more was wrong and that this wasn't just a m/c. I was having waaayyy too many weird pains that had nothing to do with cramping.

I have a roommate here and she is pretty nice. We have a lot of the same issues and she has never been able to have children. She had to have a full hysterectomy due to PID.

I am glad this ordeal has an ending even though it is not the best kind.

In hospital

I went to ob AND they saw fluid in my rt tube, so i had surgery.


DH taking over... too hard for her to type with all the equipment hooked up to her, and this baby notebook is too much weight for her belly.

Crystal had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in her rt tube. It appears that what they thought was a small cyst, was really blood collecting inside her. The ultrasound today showed a huge collection of fluid. The doctor immediately scheduled surgery -- walked right out of his office and into hospital admitting.

She's a real trooper and she's doing well. Already trying to get me to sneak some food in for her, since she hasn't eaten in quite some time.

I assume they'll let her out of here by tomorrow, and she'll be blogging from home.

Off to bed

Been cleaning all day. Busy, busy, busy. It's hard to think when you are busy.

And very hard to feel when you are busy.

But alone in a bed with thoughts and feelings. That's scary.

I don't want to let go. I don't want to cry. I don't want to admit it is over.

Crystal

Not really hitting me yet

I cried for a little bit in the shower today, but have pretty much refocused my energy into the house. I bought some new blinds online today and have been cleaning as much as I can. I took an oxycodone so I am not in pain right now (although I did sleep much of the afternoon away - how anyone gets addicted to this stuff is beyond me).

I know once I start bleeding, it is going to hit me that this much-wanted baby is gone. For now though, I am in complete denial.

What sucks is I keep feeling little flutters that feel like the beginning movements of a baby (although yes, I know it is WAY too early for that to be real anyway) and it makes me sad.

I don't know what will come of this... will this make DH want to get back on the TTC wagon? Do I have a chance of becoming naturally pg again, or is the pain I've been in the last couple days due to a ruptured tube? I don't know. For now, I just wait for it to be over.

This sucks. I so wanted this baby.

Crystal

Wyatt words

Just for my own logging purposes.

Mama (now an official word, not just a string of mamamamamma, and he says it SOOOOO cute! )
Daisy (our dog)
Diamond (our cat)
Da-da
Mamm-mamm (Grammy)
Mick (his cousin)
Ewwwwwww (so cute!)
Pee-eew (complete with waving arm stinky face)
Off
Up (off and up still two of the favorite words)
Nononono
Push (wants to be pushed on the swing)
Down (finally says it right but still doesn't really get the concept - says "Up" to get down)
More (Mah)
This
That
Eeee--ooowwwwwww (said whenever one of the cats meow)
Woof woof
Quack (cak)
Ummmmm...
Tickle tickle (doesn't say it often, but when he does, it's cute!)
Clip clip clip (because that's what I sing when I clip his nails)
Stir Stir Stir (tur tur tur)
Ball (ba)
Ow
Ouch (complete with rapid breathing sound you'd make when you are hurt)
Boob ( )
Pa-pa (not sure what it means, perhaps Grandpa??? He says it a lot but can't figure what it is related to)
"Ohhmm" (eating sound, complete with hand to mouth like fake-eating)
"nana" (banana - said today, although he doesn't usually like them)
Cook (ck! without vowels)
Yuck

That's all I can think of although I am sure there are more. He is getting to where he copies all kind of noises - trucks, planes, sprinklers, tearing paper, telephones, wind noise, ringtones and beeps, car honks (that's another word - HONK!)

He is soo sweet and makes me so happy. No matter what else comes, I am so lucky to be his Mama.

Crystal

OB beta still not good - definitely over

I just got yesterday's beta back from the OB. It was 1492. So it is definitely going down and I am losing the pg. I was hoping for a lab error, or at least a bigger lab error.

I am still having pain so I am closely monitoring myself.

Still no bleeding or cramping.

Crystal

Back from OB

Just got back from the OB. He couldn't see anything in the uterus. He sees no sign of an ectopic. They took blood again and I'll have results tomorrow.

His excellent U/S tech wasn't there today, so he did the U/S himself, which was disappointing.

Still no bleeding or cramping, although the abdominal pain is still very strong.

Crystal

Now the bad news

So I started having some really bad abdominal pain yesterday. It felt (sorry if TMI) like I needed to toot really bad. It got worse as the day went on and finally, I had DH take me to the ER at 1AM.

They did an U/S and the tech couldn't find a sac. I wasn't too worried though, because it took forever for the tech to find it yesterday and she was very experienced, whereas the girl last night was not.

But then my blood work came back and they said my HcG is 1010.

So, I am miscarrying.

I don't know how the numbers dropped so fast.

I go to my OB in an hour to confirm.

I am having no uterine cramping or bleeding at all (even the spotting stopped), but I still feel bloated and gassy and it hurts so bad around my belly button.

Sigh.

Crystal

HcG back from yesterday

It was 3254!

So we have:

4/10: 82
4/12: 172
4/16: 600
4/18: 1700
4/20: 3254

Progesterone was 13.

Crystal

Update - better news than expected

So the u/s tech looked around forever in there. She was unable to find anything in the tubes. She saw what she described as a small irregular sac in the top of my left "horn" (I have a bicornuate uterus). It looks quite a bit smaller than expected, measuring 4w4d. It should be 6w1d according to my last period.

The options are that this is a blighted ovum or that I ovulated about 11 days later than expected.

I am happy with what they found because even if this ends up in m/c, I know I can get pg naturally now! So perhaps we can go back to Clomid or something?

But anyway, I am very happy it doesn't look like an ectopic. The tech said she'd guess it is about a 1:5000 chance it is ectopic.

So that's it. I go back next Monday for another U/S and I'll have the results of today's HcG test tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday!!!

Keep those prayers coming! It looks like this may not be over.

And I asked about the spotting, and the doctor said "Most of my patients spot. Not worried about that at all."

I'm typing in the car so I apologize if some of this makes no sense. LOL.

Thanks everyone.

Crystal

Beta results

Ok, so I went in this morning and had another U/S. RE is still unable to see anything.

Then I got the call with my beta and it is 1700!

So, betas are:

4/10: 82
4/12: 172
4/16: 600
4/18: 1700

The nurse that called me said with a number that high, they should be able to see SOMETHING in the uterus, but they don't.

They are leaning toward ectopic. Yet, my understanding of ectopics are that the numbers don't usually double, and they don't get real high. So if you had an ectopic, can you please share your beta numbers with me? Did you have any symptoms?

I am continuing to have brown spotting, and I had one episode of red blood (and a lot of it) last night, but it went right back to brown spotting.

I have a very dull ache in my lower abdomen that has been there since I found out I was pg. It hasn't gotten sharper, and there's no cramping.

Any words of wisdom, stories, and of course, continued prayers and positive energy are all much appreciated.

This has been one crazy roller coaster. I just hope it doesn't end by flying off the track.

Crystal

Another U/S and waiting for beta call

RE did another U/S and still saw nothing in the uterus. I am waiting for them to call with the beta number, which should be in the next 2 hours.

RE said that if this number comes back doubling, I should see my regular OB/GYN Monday, have one more U/S, and have a methoxotrate (sp?) shot.

I still have a feeling it is ok. But I don't know how much of that is denial.

Crystal

Now back to spotting

One weird fluke gush of red blood, now back to spotting.

I am going to sleep now. I will report in tomorrow when they call with my beta number. Unless the bleeding comes back. But I'm trying not to think of that possibility.

It's the weirdest thing. I am so scared, but I do feel this calm underneath it all knowing I have no control over what happens. I feel this is a girl baby, and I feel she wants to be here with me. I hope everything is ok. I am scared.

Crystal

Hummingbird

I walked out the door
Was greeted by the whir of a hummingbird's wings
Touched my belly and knew it was you
little hummingbird

Don't go, don't go
Don't fly away
Stay and I will be your flower
Stay and I will be your shelter
Stay and I will love you forever

little hummingbird
Stay with me

Bright red bleeding

Not a good sign.

I so want to have faith. I so want this to be real. But I am being tested all along the way.

No cramping. Just bleeding. Not as heavy as a period, but more than spotting.



Crystal

More drama! 3rd beta in!

The roller coaster ride continues. Just got my call and the beta is 600.

So the betas so far are:

4/10: 82
4/12:172
4/16: 600

I don't know what to think. It isn't quite doubling, but it is close. He is having me come back Saturday for another beta!!!

Obviously at a HcG level of 600, the sac wouldn't be visable on the U/S. So maybe I ovulated late somehow?

I don't know but I am hanging onto hope...

Crystal

Wyatt pics - Easter and more

Did you say BOOB?

As Wyatt was falling asleep snuggled against me, he babbled a little and said something that sounded like "boob".

So I asked - "Did you say BOOB?"

He immediately broke into a giggle fit! He went from almost asleep to laughing hysterically. And he kept saying it over and over, and couldn't even say it half the time because he was laughing so hard. I kept asking (when he managed to spit it out) "Did you say BOOB???" and every time, he would ...

Up, up!

Tonight we were playing this exhausting game where he was sitting in his swing, and I kept bringing him this little golf ball we play with. He would then throw it and I would say "Uhoh!" and make a big fuss over clamoring to get it back, knocking into his swing and falling over while I did it. He was laughing so hard, he could barely breathe. After a while, I was very tired and said "We have to go in." He shook his head NO NO NO NO emphatically. I said "Ok, we will do it a couple more times, and then we're going in, ok?" (Nod, nod, nod)

So after a few more throws, I said "Ok, this is the last time, then we are going in." (Nod nod nod)

One more throw, one more pick up, then I went to him and said "Up, up" and he just put his arms in the air so I could lift him, no fussing at all! I thought this was amazing, because he didn't want to stop, but he just understood that we were done. Wow.

Another thing he did today was take one of my niece's Flaming Hot Cheetos. We told him, no, it's hot. But he insisted. Once he had it though, he just held it and kept looking at me like he was scared. I said "Wyatt." and he looked up. "Just do this." and I stuck out the tip of my tongue and pulled my fingers to it as if touching the Cheeto to my tongue. I didn't expect him to "get" what I was saying, but he followed my instructions perfectly. He touched the Cheeto to his tongue, stood there contemplating whether he liked the taste, then promptly ate the Cheeto. LOL

Shoes and eskimo kisses

Some of the things Wyatt is doing -

Saying "Uh oh", both correctly and not so much. He says it when his shoe falls off, which is helpful, but also says it after he throws something forcefully. Tonight we went to the grocery store, and he was back there saying "Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh." over and over the whole time. I said "What uh oh? What's wrong?!" Well, we get to the house, and I had FORGOTTEN TO STRAP HIM IN to the car seat! Uh oh indeed. At least he knew something was amiss. I guess I should listen more closely to him.

Saying "ummmmmmmmm". I say "ummm" a lot if I am pausing to make a decision, and now Wyatt is doing it too. It is SUPER CUTE.

Saying "up". Up doesn't necessarily mean he is going up either. Up has many meanings. If something is tall, like a light or a flagpole, it's "up". If he is going down stairs, that's "up". As far as movement, "up" means basically he is going from one place to another. LOL. He also uses it to say he wants me to pick him up, which is the cutest of all.

Today I was trying to put him down for a nap, but a cat had gone to the litterbox without covering it up and the smell was NASTY. So I told Wyatt "I'm going to go clean the litterbox and I will be right back." He nodded his head. I stood there looking at him. Then he waved at me. LOL. Ok, I'm going, I'm going.

He is really mild-tempered compared to most toddlers. I feel really lucky in this area. Today we went to his eye doctor and there was a boy there who had tantrums about EVERYTHING. Wyatt kept looking at him like he was insane. At one point, he came over, sat in my lap, and watched, like it was some kind of show. LOL.

Eskimo kisses. He likes them and will turn my head so he can put his nose on mine. Oh, also the other day, I was holding him and he was just staring at me. Then he pushed his tongue out of his mouth to a point, leaned forward, and touched his tongue to the tip of my nose. Then we both laughed and he did it again.

Shoes. He is obsessed with shoes. He has about 8 pair, and he'll pick a different pair each time and bring them over for me to put on him.

"Watches" aka bracelets. There was this purple wrist band that he liked and I would say "Oooh, I like your watch!" so now he likes putting things on his wrists. He then twists his wrist around to show off his "watch".

Balloons. The other night, it was crazy-windy outside. Gusts up to 60mph! DH had bought a bunch of balloons and put them around for my birthday. So I thought it would be fun to take a balloon out and let the wind take it away. Wyatt REALLY liked this, and kept going back in for more balloons. Our dog Daisy was in her Dogloo out of the wind. Well, the next day, Wyatt found another balloon, and wanted to go do it again. I told him it wasn't windy, but he insisted. So he carried the balloon out, and Daisy immediately chomped and popped it. Wyatt didn't like that and had me looking everywhere for that balloon despite the evidence of the shriveled balloon-skin in my hand. Tonight, he picked up the last balloon and headed to the door. I said "Now if you take that outside, Daisy will pop it. Is that what you want?" He shook his head no and dropped the balloon.

I have to remember to keep blogging all these things because he makes me laugh a hundred times a day and I really want to remember everything.