We just got back from the RE's office. Basically good news I suppose. He seems pretty confident there is no reason I shouldn't be able to get pg - he just said that sometimes an embryo seems "excellent" but they just aren't strong enough to implant, and that it doesn't mean the next cycle won't work.
We have nine frozen embies. I wish I had gotten a copy of the report he showed us, but it seems that they are all pretty good quality. Some are three day embies and most are one day embies, ready to grow once thawed.
The embryologist recommendation is to thaw three for the frozen cycle, which of course is good news since in theory it leaves us SIX for sibling cycles or in case this one doesn't work. (Don't think that!)
So now we just have to wait. I am currently experiencing the joy of AF and once that is over, I have to wait for her next visit then start the calendar again. I think this cycle is going to be harder on me because I am not going in with all the hope I had last time. But I have to remind myself that LOTS of ladies have failed fresh cycles and successful FETs.
So here's to the next round. Hopefully it is the one for us.
Crystal
Friday, August 18, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
The unfairness of IF and the unanswered questions
Well, as noted, Saturday brought the bad news of an unsuccessful cycle.
The results were HCG of "less than one". Less than one is worse than zero and makes me crazy!
There are just so many unanswered and unanswerable questions.
We started with one "excellent" embryo and one "average". My lining was perfect. All was well. Yet they decided not to stick.
WHY?
Is my uterus such a horrible place that they instantly shriveled away?
Did my need to get up and pee before the 20 minutes were over really cause a problem?
Was it something I did? Too much time in the bouncy car? Eating the wrong things? Working too much? Not enough?
Did these embies get the spark of a "soul" only to fade away? WHY? These aren't just little cells after all, but potential HUMAN LIFE.
If one little thing had gone differently, would I have ended up with a baby or babies from this cycle that will now never exist because of ME??
What if "less than one" meant I had a late implanter and that it is trying to grow now but I stopped the PIO? Am I stupid for wondering that?
And the big question - if a perfect embie couldn't make it in my uterus, how the heck is an FET going to work? We have 9 little frozen embies waiting and we go in Friday for the consultation for this cycle and the options to move on to the next one.
Sometimes I wonder how strong God wants me to be. I already have dealt with IF for several years, lost my little sister Barbara in December 05, got the news of my mom's breast cancer a couple months ago and am watching her go through chemo now... what's next?!?! It is time for some good news.
I am not a whiny person or a complainer. I am generally happy, optimistic, and at peace with life, even when bad things are happening. But I really had hope for this cycle and I was crushed to get the news of the BFN.
Oh well, back to work I go. Put on a happy face and just do what I have to do and hope the next one works.
Crystal
The results were HCG of "less than one". Less than one is worse than zero and makes me crazy!
There are just so many unanswered and unanswerable questions.
We started with one "excellent" embryo and one "average". My lining was perfect. All was well. Yet they decided not to stick.
WHY?
Is my uterus such a horrible place that they instantly shriveled away?
Did my need to get up and pee before the 20 minutes were over really cause a problem?
Was it something I did? Too much time in the bouncy car? Eating the wrong things? Working too much? Not enough?
Did these embies get the spark of a "soul" only to fade away? WHY? These aren't just little cells after all, but potential HUMAN LIFE.
If one little thing had gone differently, would I have ended up with a baby or babies from this cycle that will now never exist because of ME??
What if "less than one" meant I had a late implanter and that it is trying to grow now but I stopped the PIO? Am I stupid for wondering that?
And the big question - if a perfect embie couldn't make it in my uterus, how the heck is an FET going to work? We have 9 little frozen embies waiting and we go in Friday for the consultation for this cycle and the options to move on to the next one.
Sometimes I wonder how strong God wants me to be. I already have dealt with IF for several years, lost my little sister Barbara in December 05, got the news of my mom's breast cancer a couple months ago and am watching her go through chemo now... what's next?!?! It is time for some good news.
I am not a whiny person or a complainer. I am generally happy, optimistic, and at peace with life, even when bad things are happening. But I really had hope for this cycle and I was crushed to get the news of the BFN.
Oh well, back to work I go. Put on a happy face and just do what I have to do and hope the next one works.
Crystal
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Progesterone woes (again!)
I have been using progesterone suspended in sesame oil. It is fine - no complaints. But I ran out, so today I had to use progesterone left over from our previous cancelled cycle. Rather than one big vial with a rubber lid you stick a needle through, they are tiny glass vials that you have to break open to use!
Yesterday, I decided to try to open one, and stupidly used my teeth, thinking there must be something that twists off. In hindsight that was really stupid, and I knew it as soon as I was spitting glass shards into the sink.
A call to my RE's office cleared it up. You have to break it at the narrow part of the vial using an alcohol pad. Yep, you have to BREAK GLASS and hope no tiny shards get into the liquid.
So today I had to break 2 little vials (turning my eyes away and grimacing and finally calling DH to open the 2nd one) and draw up the 2 ccs of progesterone.
Then DH gave me the shot.
Unlike the PIO with sesame oil, this stuff STINGS!!! I looked at the ingredients and it is in ALCOHOL instead of oil!!! No wonder. Who thought THAT was a good idea?!!
So I ordered another big vial of the PIO from the pharmacy which should be here today.
I won't be using those little ones again unless I have to!
Crystal
Yesterday, I decided to try to open one, and stupidly used my teeth, thinking there must be something that twists off. In hindsight that was really stupid, and I knew it as soon as I was spitting glass shards into the sink.
A call to my RE's office cleared it up. You have to break it at the narrow part of the vial using an alcohol pad. Yep, you have to BREAK GLASS and hope no tiny shards get into the liquid.
So today I had to break 2 little vials (turning my eyes away and grimacing and finally calling DH to open the 2nd one) and draw up the 2 ccs of progesterone.
Then DH gave me the shot.
Unlike the PIO with sesame oil, this stuff STINGS!!! I looked at the ingredients and it is in ALCOHOL instead of oil!!! No wonder. Who thought THAT was a good idea?!!
So I ordered another big vial of the PIO from the pharmacy which should be here today.
I won't be using those little ones again unless I have to!
Crystal
Embryo transfer complete!
On July 31, 2 embryos were transferred into my uterus! :) One was an "excellent" and one was an "average" grade.
We got to the office at 11AM and the transfer was scheduled for 11:45. I already had to pee when I got there and kept drinking.
Dr. Patel came in and explained that because there was only one "excellent" embryo, we may want to consider transferring 3. We talked about it for a few minutes and stuck with the original plan of transferring 2.
They took me in the procedure room and did an U/S. He said my bladder wasn't full enough and gave me another bottle of water which I downed in about a minute. At 12:20, we started up again and by this time, I needed to pee so bad, it was excruciating! And of course the speculum and the doc's cleaning of my cervix wasn't too fun either. (He said I had the most cervical mucus he'd seen all day - dunno if I should be proud or disgusted!).
The transfer wasn't easy - I am a little "fluffy" so he was having a hard time seeing what he wanted to see with the tummy U/S. He had to use the vaginal U/S - some special wand. It took a lot of playing around with the catheter before he got it aimed where he wanted. DH says the embryologist looked like she was praying behind him. They were very careful and precise, which was great to know, but not easy to wait through when you have to pee that bad.
Once it was over, I was supposed to lie on my back for 20 minutes. I only made it for 10 and was having such severe bladder cramps that I couldn't even sit up or lift my knees. The doctor said it was better to go ahead and get up to pee than to sit there cramping for 10 more minutes.
DH and the nurse had to support me as I made my way to the restroom because I was cramping so bad I couldn't walk.
I was paranoid as I went that I'd push the embies out. They promised me that it couldn't happen though.
Now I just wait until August 12. I have one HPT left from the clomid days, and I'll probably POAS the morning of the beta - if it is + I can be happy, and if it is -, at least I can steel myself for the possibility of a negative beta instead of having the wind knocked out of me at work.
I have to say that I feel very relaxed and at peace. I really have a strong feeling that this will work. I hope the feeling of peace continues as I go through the 2WW. I am still a little sore from the transfer, and it is very difficult to sit still - I did cave and cleaned up a little because DH just leaves glasses, pizza boxes, wrappers, etc. laying around and it causes me more stress to look at them than just to clean it up. But he is helping me with feeding pets, caring for the fish tank, and the stuff that has to be done each day.
Oh, and there are 9 frozen embies. They froze 5 of the 11 that fertilized right away, on day 1. They say they have much higher implantation rates from FETs when the embies were frozen right away. Of the other 6, 2 were implanted, there is one more "average" quality one, and 3 that he still felt were worth freezing but he gives them a lower chance of being viable. So we have 9 frozen embies waiting for us.
Crystal
We got to the office at 11AM and the transfer was scheduled for 11:45. I already had to pee when I got there and kept drinking.
Dr. Patel came in and explained that because there was only one "excellent" embryo, we may want to consider transferring 3. We talked about it for a few minutes and stuck with the original plan of transferring 2.
They took me in the procedure room and did an U/S. He said my bladder wasn't full enough and gave me another bottle of water which I downed in about a minute. At 12:20, we started up again and by this time, I needed to pee so bad, it was excruciating! And of course the speculum and the doc's cleaning of my cervix wasn't too fun either. (He said I had the most cervical mucus he'd seen all day - dunno if I should be proud or disgusted!).
The transfer wasn't easy - I am a little "fluffy" so he was having a hard time seeing what he wanted to see with the tummy U/S. He had to use the vaginal U/S - some special wand. It took a lot of playing around with the catheter before he got it aimed where he wanted. DH says the embryologist looked like she was praying behind him. They were very careful and precise, which was great to know, but not easy to wait through when you have to pee that bad.
Once it was over, I was supposed to lie on my back for 20 minutes. I only made it for 10 and was having such severe bladder cramps that I couldn't even sit up or lift my knees. The doctor said it was better to go ahead and get up to pee than to sit there cramping for 10 more minutes.
DH and the nurse had to support me as I made my way to the restroom because I was cramping so bad I couldn't walk.
I was paranoid as I went that I'd push the embies out. They promised me that it couldn't happen though.
Now I just wait until August 12. I have one HPT left from the clomid days, and I'll probably POAS the morning of the beta - if it is + I can be happy, and if it is -, at least I can steel myself for the possibility of a negative beta instead of having the wind knocked out of me at work.
I have to say that I feel very relaxed and at peace. I really have a strong feeling that this will work. I hope the feeling of peace continues as I go through the 2WW. I am still a little sore from the transfer, and it is very difficult to sit still - I did cave and cleaned up a little because DH just leaves glasses, pizza boxes, wrappers, etc. laying around and it causes me more stress to look at them than just to clean it up. But he is helping me with feeding pets, caring for the fish tank, and the stuff that has to be done each day.
Oh, and there are 9 frozen embies. They froze 5 of the 11 that fertilized right away, on day 1. They say they have much higher implantation rates from FETs when the embies were frozen right away. Of the other 6, 2 were implanted, there is one more "average" quality one, and 3 that he still felt were worth freezing but he gives them a lower chance of being viable. So we have 9 frozen embies waiting for us.
Crystal
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