Not really hitting me yet

I cried for a little bit in the shower today, but have pretty much refocused my energy into the house. I bought some new blinds online today and have been cleaning as much as I can. I took an oxycodone so I am not in pain right now (although I did sleep much of the afternoon away - how anyone gets addicted to this stuff is beyond me).

I know once I start bleeding, it is going to hit me that this much-wanted baby is gone. For now though, I am in complete denial.

What sucks is I keep feeling little flutters that feel like the beginning movements of a baby (although yes, I know it is WAY too early for that to be real anyway) and it makes me sad.

I don't know what will come of this... will this make DH want to get back on the TTC wagon? Do I have a chance of becoming naturally pg again, or is the pain I've been in the last couple days due to a ruptured tube? I don't know. For now, I just wait for it to be over.

This sucks. I so wanted this baby.

Crystal