Relax, DAMMIT!!!!

My RE recommended doing acupuncture during this cycle, so I figured I'd give it a shot. In some ways it was what I imagined. Got some hokey "tea" in a tiny cup and flavored with raspberry (not in a large glass with ice and no flavoring as it SHOULD be served :) ). Flute music. Herbs and pamphlets everywhere. Needles in my skin. Certificate on the wall from a "school" of acupuncture. Yep. Pretty much what I expected.

The "doctor" (is that what they call themselves?) asked me a lot of questions about my health, my stress level, etc. I realized that although I am NOT a worrier, that I am also not as "laid back" as I thought I was. My stress comes from the "to-do list" that plays constantly in my head. Not worries about drama in my life or how to handle a problem, but really helpful stuff like "clean the catboxes, feed the fish, feed the cats, feed the dogs, do the cats have water, I need to do laundry tonight, the plants need to be watered, I need to go to Walgreen's, my next doctor's appointment is October 24, I need to answer that email". There is pretty much a constant tape running in my head of "what's next"! I hate that! And before you say it, it doesn't help to write it down. I do (at least the appointments, packing lists, etc. that need to be written down). I still do it, as if it is necessary to map out each day and each week and each month so that I always have CONTROL over what is going on. (Control! That's always the kicker, isn't it?!)

The "doctor" put the needles in place and asked me to just relax (If only those stupid flutes would stop and they'd put on some Cake or Counting Crows instead!). He said to "focus my thoughts internally, focus on my breathing and my body". I would have never thought this was difficult, but it was. My mind kept going back to my to-do list... "When I get to work, I need to post that press release. What's on TV tonight? Oh, Heroes and the TIVOd Desperate Housewives. I also have to do the colors and darks tonight. I need to do a water change on the fish tank." I kept yelling at myself, "RELAX, DAMMIT!!!" which of course is not helpful OR relaxing.

I did leave feeling a little more relaxed, but I credit the fact that I was lying in a bed in the dark being still for 30 minutes rather than having needles sticking all over my body. But who knows? I am ready for this cycle to work, and if this helps, well, then I'll continue to try to RELAX, DAMMIT!

Crystal