Thinking about that disgusting rape case and the light sentence that the rapist got, and the way that his dad defended him. It's really sad, and got me thinking about things I want to teach my son - not only to protect and respect women, but to protect himself and his reputation (because although this particular woman was definitely RAPED, there are those who would make false allegations out there.)
Yes - and only an ENTHUSIASTIC yes means yes. If she seems unsure or scared or like she is doing something she doesn't want to do, that's a NO. Pay attention to her cues, her response, her body language.
If she is someone you like and want to see again, you can tell her that you like her and are happy to wait until she is more ready. If she's insisting she is ready but her behavior says she isn't, hold her and kiss her and HOLD OFF on the sex until she isn't scared. It's supposed to feel good for her too. Don't do it until it will!
And if she is drinking at all - at ALL - she isn't capable of giving consent. Tell her you'll take her out on a date the next night (or next weekend.) Make sure she gets home safely. Be a gentleman, not an opportunist. To protect yourself, you should make it a personal policy to never sleep with a girl under the influence unless you have a well-established intimate relationship.
There are girls out there who are sexually damaged. They have been abused by predators and have skewed self-worth. They believe their sexuality is all they have to offer men. Show these girls a different type of man - one who wants to get to know who she is. One who will respect her body and respect her. One who doesn't expect her to put on a "freak" show for him in order to be worthy of his love.
There are guys out there who will use girls, objectify them, manipulate them, cheat on them, put drugs in their drinks, look for drunk girls to take home at the end of the night. It's not cute or funny. Don't be one of them, and CALL THEM OUT on it. Protect the girls in your circle from them.
There are guys out there who will berate you for being a "nice guy" because you aren't a player who uses and disrespects women. They will even tell you that women find you unattractive and that the only way to get a woman is to be a jerk to them. This is complete BUNK. You know why some women like "bad boys"? Because they had "bad boy" fathers they never felt good enough for, or "bad boy" first boyfriends who broke their hearts, and they are trying to prove their own worth by reliving their pain, taming a "bad boy" and proving they are lovable. Seriously - a man who wants to sign up to use a damaged woman is no man at all.
Women are all different. We have different needs, different wants, different goals, different bodies, different experiences, different expectations. But there are some things that ALL women (and many men too!) want in relationships:
- To feel loved, desired, cherished, and protected.
- To be respected, heard, and understood.
- To have a partner in life's adventures.
- To laugh, to love, to grow together.
- To feel safe and secure with someone so you can be all of who you are without judgment or criticism.
